Good Memories and Nightmares
by Aveira
Summary: One shot: Mello and Matt's relationship up to the day they died. T for brief language and some violence.


_A/N: Death Note…I own nothing._

* * *

Mello sighed heavily, leaning against a dark hallway in the massive mansion that was Whammy's House. The news of L's death had affected him more than he'd originally thought. Aside from the small fact that L's untimely passing had meant that he had neglected to choose a successor, it was an unexpected loss. Mello felt an uneasy twist in his gut. _'__Sorrow?__'_ He took a bite of his ever present chocolate bar. It was an emotion he was not all too familiar with. He sighed again, pushing himself off the wall and made his way down the corridor leading to his dormitory. His roommate and friend waited with baited breath for the 'urgent' news Roger had called Mello in for. He'd been mindlessly playing another of his many games on his PSP and had offered Mello a bright smile when the door lurched open and his leather clad friend wandered in. His smile faltered at the grimace Mello wore.

"Hey man, what's with the-"Mello simply raised a hand, Matt took a hint and cut himself off. Mello took a seat beside him on the couch, taking another bite of chocolate.

"L is…dead." Matt's head jerked up with a start.

"Wha-how? When, are they sure he's dead? Where's Watari? Is he back? We have to find his bo-"

"Shut up, Matt." He quickly fell silent again, though not just because Mello had asked. Mello had nearly whispered the request, his aqua eyes staring with grim determination at the coffee table. Somehow it seemed more effective than any time before when Mello would yell, scream, or even resort to all out physical violence to make his point.

"Mel, what's going on?" Matt sat down again, setting the hand held game down on the coffee table beside an unopened chocolate bar. Matt winced slightly at the sight, if Mello couldn't eat then he must be in immeasurable pain.

"Watari is dead as well, they were buried in Japan. Roger doesn't want to retrieve the bodies just yet. It seems L had not solved the case in time." Matt sat back, letting out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding. _'__Watari__…__dead?__'_The idea that the fatherly older man who had helped raise and educate the children of Whammy's House had been murdered seemed foreign and downright painful. Matt had the urge to punch something, break it in a vain effort to quell the rage he felt building up. He wondered briefly if that was how Mello felt all the time. The frustration he felt at that moment was unbelievable, he couldn't stop his thoughts from racing, his breath came in uneven gasps, and his heart felt like it might burst.

Mello watched silently as Matt began to fully process what had happened. He'd be third in line to replace L, behind Near and Mello. He was brilliant, a world class hacker and there wasn't a system out there he couldn't break. Matt, Mail…he'd been the only other constant in Mello's nightmare. The only person he'd ever considered caring about. Understandably he felt something twist once more; he felt bile rising up and with it came fear, anger, and something like misery and pain setting in.

Without much thinking about it, Mello placed a hesitant hand on Matt's shoulder, clearing his throat nervously before he spoke. "Matt…Mail, I'm sorry." It was all he could think to say. Sympathy and empathy were as foreign to Mello as the idea of Lawliet eating anything other than sugar coated sweetness.

Matt jerked at the mention of his real name. "Wh-what did you call me?" It felt oddly liberating hearing it mumbled from Mello's lips and he couldn't stop the half smirk and relief welling up in him.

"Mail. I _am_ sorry." Mello lifted his gaze from the floor to Matt's green eyes. They stayed that way for a long moment, staring at one another in a shared sense of slight desperation. Matt glanced away first to hide the hint of a blush at his cheeks. Mello's intense stare wasn't something he was ready for just then.

"You're apologizing to _me_ for Watari and L being murdered? You? You're the one that has to get out there and figure out what the hell happened to him. _You _have to put yourself in harms way now…why in the name of all things holy and sacred would you even _think, _for one minute, that you had to apologize to me?" Matt gave him a smirk, Mello returned the gesture. "Besides, you never said sorry for anything else, why start now?" Mello chuckled at the thought. Matt lifted a hand to his face, surprised to find his skin damp. "Damn…" He laughed to himself, lighting up a cigarette.

"Don't worry; your secrets are safe with me." Mello mocked, getting some of his usual arrogance back. "But I'll never let you live it down."

"Mihael…" It was Mello's turn to be surprised. He knew what was coming next and a part of him was glad of it, though a larger part, the part that he kept hidden dreaded what Matt was about to say. "I'm going with you."

"It won't be easy, Matt. They're going to try and kill us." Mello thought of Near, he glared fiercely at the coffee table. _'__That cheating bastard__…'_ He'd have to work twice as hard and three times as fast to beat Near. "I can't do this the easy way, that big-headed twit has also been sent to solve the Kira case." Matt frowned, he didn't feel the same resentment toward Near that Mello did, though he understood why Mello harbored such hatred for the younger boy. Near had a knack for taking the easy way, he was a classic cheap shot and would likely try and sabotage Mello any way he could. He worried about how Mello would go about solving the case, his hot headed ideas usually resulted in excessive pain and suffering. Mello was not long for this world, though he figured somewhere deep inside Mello already knew as much…which would later solve the mystery of Mello's death. He'd known what would happen and he'd gone through with it anyway. Mello never backed down from a fight, this would be no exception.

They had left that night, only packing what would be necessary and after speaking with Roger. Near had left a whole three hours ahead of them, he'd made contact in Japan and had a task force in place. Mello was not bothered by it in the least, much to both Roger and Matt's surprise. He nodded once at Roger,_ 'Take care until I return'_ he'd said. Roger being who he was, and having become frustrated with Mello's incessant need to prove himself worth something, demanded to know just why Mihael could not stand Nate.

* * *

Mello worked his way around the Mafia with ease, it was really second nature to him. He wasn't necessarily cruel by nature, he simply lacked kindness and harbored no hesitance toward violence. He had managed to get a hold of another Death Note, and had wasted no time in dispatching of a few of Near's men _'__Arrogant prick__…'_he'd nearly gone back to the SPK headquarters to personally kill the boy himself when he'd found no gratification in his deed. Matt had stood by in the shadows, watching and supporting Mello. He'd been there through it all and up to this point he'd said nothing.

"Mello, this is dangerous…" Matt spoke softly, not taking his eyes of his game, holding a cell phone carefully to his ear.

"_It must be done, besides all you have to do is give us a heads up if they come to take the book back.__"_Mello muttered, biting into his chocolate bar. He'd never admit how he felt about Matt's concern for his wellbeing, it was more than anyone else had given him.

"Mel, they _are_ coming, that thing already said so. You should get out of there…those goons are expendable." Matt believed in absolutes, he was absolutely sure the men who worked under Mello wouldn't have a second thought about leaving him behind if he'd been injured. Hell, they'd probably offer him up on a silver platter if they thought it would keep them from Kira's sight. "They would do the same and you know it."

Mello sighed, he knew Matt was right but he also knew he had to stay…he couldn't let the police chief get the book back, even if it wasn't Kira's book. He had to prove that Light had something to do with Kira. _"__I__'__ll be done soon Matt__…__I have to go.__"_

"I'm coming to bail you out." Matt didn't wait to argue with Mello and hung up the phone, pocketing his game and grabbing his car keys. He was out the door in an instant.

The explosion had sent Matt's heart into his throat, he sped forward toward the inferno that Mello had been trapped in. He clicked the safety off on his gun as he ran toward the building.

"Hey! Stop yo-"the gun roared to life, the bullet hitting its mark with deadly accuracy. Matt dispatched of two other officers as he raced through the rubble. He made a noise of fright when he saw Mello face down beneath a slab of concrete.

"You…moron…I had it under con-" Matt pulled him free and felt his stomach churn at the massive amount of blood coating the entire left side of Mello's body, the skin had been severely burned.

"Shut up, man. You look like the human torch." Matt tried to keep the worry out of his voice as he helped Mello to the car.

"Freeze!" Matt froze. "Drop the body and turn around." The voice commanded, Matt could make out the faintest sound of metal clinking.

"Sorry, Mel." Mello stared hard at Matt as he gently lowered him to the ground. Mello noticed a bit belatedly the gun he'd told Matt to keep on him tucked neatly in the front of his pants. "Hey mister, I think you got the wrong guy." Matt stated lightheartedly.

"Shut up and get on the ground." The man commanded. Matt smirked at him, his eyes narrowing behind his goggles.

"Not a chance…you got the wrong guy on the wrong day." His voice was dangerously low. The man's steady aim wavered slightly, Matt's didn't. It was over in the blink of an eye, one round straight between the young officers eyes and he went down. Matt stood a moment, taking in the flames, bodies lying haphazardly about. Mello groaned behind him, his adrenaline running out and all the pain setting in. Matt spun around and carefully helped Mello to the car.

"Thanks, Mail." He whispered just before slumping over. Matt smirked to himself before mumbling 'no problem' and speeding towards their safe house.

It took several days before Mello was able to get up and move about again, it was in that time he began to realize something had changed. Matt seemed to hover over him constantly, warning him not to over do anything or move too quickly.

"You're worse than a mother hen, Mail! Get the hell away from me!" Mello shouted angrily as Matt came up behind him helping him up the stairs. Before he had a chance to comprehend what was happening Matt had spun him around and pinned him to the wall with his arms.

"No, Mihael, I'm not going to go anywhere. You _idiot_, you nearly blew yourself to hell! You nearly killed yourself! I will not just 'leave you alone'!" Mello had never seen Matt angry, he'd seen him being protective and indifferent, anger was new. He felt his pulse quicken at their sudden closeness.

"Matt…I'm sorry, I-" Matt glared angrily at him, shouting at him and cutting him off.

"You didn't think! You never _think_ about how _I_ feel, do you?! I was worried, I was fucking afraid you were dead! What would I do if you-" Matt stopped short, Mello saw his opening and went for it.

Matt had never felt anything like that, Mello was salvation. He felt his eyes drift closed as Mello's lips moved roughly against his. His arms slid off the wall and to Mello's shoulders. Mello pulled away, Matt couldn't bring himself to open his eyes.

"I said I was sorry, Matt. I didn't mean to worry you…" Mello slipped away, going to his room and lying down. He had a lot to plan if they were really going to beat Kira at his own game. They couldn't afford to be distracted by their own emotions at a time like this. _'__Please make it through this__…__please, God, please let us make it through this.__' _Mello sighed again as he closed his eyes. It was a hopeless plea, but he didn't want to go out thinking he'd never tried to save them from this fate.

* * *

-January 21, 2010-

It had been just over four years. Four years of hiding and hunting, seeking out the serial killer of the century and coming up empty handed. That was until now. The trap had been set and a plan laid into action, a plan that once started could not be undone. Mello understood that this would likely be the last thing he ever did, and while he would go to hell hating Near he knew that his death would inevitably force Mikami to show his hand, and thus prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that Light Yagami was in fact Kira.

He sat starring at an old rickety coffee table, his uneaten chocolate bar sitting before him. He hadn't had an appetite for several days now. All he could think about was the plan, the plan to kidnap Kiyomi Takada. He knew deep in his gut that this would be his final act. Somehow the thought that Matt would be involved up to the point of possibly being killed himself upset him. It would have been better still if he could have simply hired someone to kill her, though that would certainly ruin any link to Kira that Near had. He wanted Kira caught, even if he hated that big-headed twerp, and jeopardizing his chances of doing so would not do.

Matt came in to find Mello staring with a somewhat forlorn expression. He walked over to the chair sitting opposite him and sat. He waited a moment, trying to decide if he should say anything or just sit there. He'd pulled out his PSP and realized, for the first time, he had no desire to play. He sat it on the coffee table beside the dejected chocolate bar.

"I'm going to die." Mello spoke softly, an air of authority that broached no argument on Matt's part. "Mail…" His voice sounded hollow and unsure, not at all like the vibrant and assertive man he'd grown fond of through all their years together. "I can't let you do this." Mello said after several long seconds of silence.

Matt stared at him for a long moment. He contemplated all that he and the blond had been through. Gun fights, explosions, fear that one or the other had been shot and killed on more than one occasion. He remembered the anger and panic he felt when Mello had nearly blown himself up, as well as the moment they'd had not three days later. He remembered tending those wounds, it wasn't hard for him. He, Mihael, was the only person in the whole of the universe that Matt could stand in any way shape or form. He hated being outside, hated being near people, and more than all that…he hated fighting. He tolerated Mello, watched over him, protected him, cared for him…there wasn't much time left now, Matt knew that. He realized he'd only have a short time to enjoy his friend before they took on this, their final assignment.

"Mihael…there's," Matt stood, pacing slightly as he struggled to get the first sentence out. Mello glanced up, sorrow evident in his oddly dispassionate eyes. "There's something I-I need to tell you." Matt stopped directly in front of Mello's slouched form. His green eyes boring into Mello's own blue hues, his bravery faltered, he'd never before spoken to Mello of this one desire, his one need that would likely never be fulfilled.

"You're stuttering." Mello pointed out, his eyebrow quirking up at Matt curiously.

"I can't say the things I'd like, so I suppose the best way now is just to show you." Matt remarked a bit off handedly. Mello nodded in agreement, though he wasn't quite sure what Matt was up to. Before Mello could completely comprehend what Matt was doing he was on his knees, now eye level with him. In that moment Mello saw Mail Jeevas, his friend, his accomplice, and…something more. He blinked once, taking in the odd dizziness that came with Matt being so close to his face. He could feel his warm breath against his own lips, could see his own startled and somewhat half lidded expression mirrored through his goggles. Mello brought a tentative hand up to Matt's shaggy red hair and slowly began to lift the goggles off and away from his eyes.

"What do you want to show me, Mail?" Mello felt his pulse pounding and his own breath coming in slightly shallow gasps. Matt leaned closer still, lips nearly touching.

"I would follow you to Hell and back, Mihael. I'm not afraid…" Matt whispered, Mello gave an involuntary shudder. Mello could hardly remember the last time he voluntarily touched anyone. An image of himself as a young boy of nearly fifteen and Matt sitting beside him, he'd just given Matt the news of Watari and L's death. He'd felt something then…and now it manifested itself as this.

Mello made a small noise in the back of his throat and felt himself move forward, his lips colliding with Matt's. He couldn't hold back the groan of satisfaction the moment Matt returned the gesture with gusto. He felt Matt's hands wrap around the back of his neck and pull him deeper into the kiss. Mello's hands had braced themselves at Matt shoulders. He felt Matt nip and kiss along his jaw line, causing him to wince and moan softly with each glance of his teeth or the touch of his lips. His grip tightened as Matt moved to his neck, gently nipping at his pulse point. Mello groaned, his arms wrapping around Matt and pulling him into a firm hug. Matt's own arms had looped themselves around Mello, his lips unable to stop tasting and teasing the flesh they found.

"I always wondered about you…" Mello whispered half heartedly, sighing again as Matt found another sensitive spot along the column of his throat. "Have you always…felt this way?" Matt leaned back, staring a bit dazedly up at Mello.

"Yes." He answered simply. "I never said anything because…well, you were my friend." Matt watched him a moment longer. Mello leaned forward, hooking a finger in the collar of Matt's shirt, his blond hair hiding his eyes in their shadow, a smirk gracing his lips.

"Always, huh?" Mello suddenly wanted Matt to live; he wanted to live, to experience this new sensation to its fullest. He paused a moment at the sorrowful look Matt had. "What is it…?"

"This is the last time we'll be alone. From here on out it'll be clockwork and precision. No time for distractions." Mello leaned into Matt, kissing him with a gentleness Matt had never thought possible from the aggressive blond.

"Then we make this last and enjoy it as much as we can…" Mello spoke with that same sense of finality. He wanted this moment to last forever, more than anything…more than he'd wanted to surpass Near.

Matt didn't speak anymore as he began to pull away the leather restricting Mello's movements. Mello gave Matt an approving once over once he'd freed him of his own cloth prison. It seemed natural, to them. They slowly set to the task of satisfying the other, they drew it out…for both memory and a shared sense of finality. Death was waiting for them outside those doors, and these two…the old world's runner up and the best dressed would die like dogs.

xXxXx

One thought rang out through Mello's mind as he lay beside Matt in the early hours of morning smoking one of his cigarettes. He didn't fear this…he hadn't been afraid of love or intimacy, he'd been afraid of rejection. He realized then that it had always been_ him._ He'd portrayed this vicious and cold outer shell and Matt saw right through the whole charade. He smirked, feeling a bit silly for trying to put up a front for Matt. No one had known him like he did, nor would anyone else. Mello had given Matt the best he had, what he hoped passed for affection, his attempt at friendship, he had given Matt his physical being. There had been less apprehension when it had actually happened than Mello had anticipated. Intimacy was not something he was comfortable with. And yet, somehow, it had all felt right with him. He turned to the red head lying beside him. Matt stirred, glancing up at Mello. He smirked at the lit cigarette in his hand reaching up lazily to take it from Mello's nimble fingers.

"Thanks." He muttered, taking a drag and exhaling slowly. "Today is the day, isn't it?" Matt sighed, exhaling again.

"No." Mello glared at the wall.

"What? We have to or we'll miss our window." Matt looked up surprised that it was both, bright, and that Mello was going back on the plan.

"So we miss it…They're going to kill us, Matt. I refuse to help Near unless I get something for it." Mello smirked evilly, thinking of all the ways he could make Near pay.

"We have been given something for all our troubles." Matt spoke softly. "I had a lifetime with you…"

Mello's evil smirk faded quickly to a sad smile. "Yeah…I guess we did." He turned to Matt, his smile faltering and a slightly desperate look filling his haunting blue eyes. "It doesn't have to end. We could run, hide…wait for Near to solve the case, I know he's ready…I don't want you to die." Matt felt sorrow hit him like a led weight in his gut.

"Well no…I don't either, it's just…Mello, we can't." Matt stared unblinking up at the ceiling. "It's not just our lives we fight for, right?" Mello nodded. "Then think of all those people who are grateful for all you've done and are going to do. They need a hero Mello; it might as well be us." Matt grinned brightly at the blond beside him, kissing his shoulder.

And so it was that five days later Matt and Mello carried out their plan. Mello had Kiyomi under a simple blanket in the back of a large moving truck. He'd been following Matt's escape on the news. Silently he cheered his friend on as he covered more than half the city in the last hour. They'd lost Mello for the time being, though that didn't take the unease setting firmly in his gut. He felt his heart stop dead in his chest and is blood run cold as Matt was shot by fifteen or more of Takada's armed guards.

"Matt…I got you killed…sorry." He gripped the wheel tighter. Oddly enough he suddenly felt a sharp pain in his chest and his breath became erratic and his eyes glazed over. _'__This is it? This is how I die? Pathetic.__' _Mello cursed Near with his last breath, that big-headed twit was going to live!

xXxXx

_In the end it had all been up to Matt and Mello, Near's investigation would have suffered and it was entirely likely that without their selfless sacrifice Near could not have completed the case. So, in a final peace offering to his former adversary he printed the notes on L that Mello had kept, keeping every word as he'd written it. It did unsettle him that Lawliet had been so forth coming with Mello and not himself, though that hardly mattered now. Even Near had a heart, he couldn't bring himself to think ill of the dead, especially when they had been his hero's. He'd never have Lawliet's kindness or Mello's strength…he'd never have a friend like Matt. The book, 'Death Note: Another Note' had given him some peace of mind in that respect, he hoped that wherever Mello had gone he knew how Near truly felt about him, that it hadn't always been a game to him. He hoped he'd see them all again one day…when it was his time to pass on the title of 'L'._

* * *

_A/N: So that's it, I love Death Note and I had to get that out…Matt and Mello are quite possibly my favorite characters of all time. I own nothing of course, hope you enjoy it. _

_Inspired by a few pictures of the two I'd seen on youtube and deviant art. _


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